Communicating with Gen iY.

As part of our service, we are often working with young adults who, despite our best efforts, can be challenging to track down in communication mediums that feel most common to us - phone calls, emails, scheduled meetings etc. Generation iY, as outlined by Tim Elmore, speak a different first language: texting.

As we continue our work with young adults, we too have found that texting contributes to faster and higher response rates.

Have a look at Tim's insight. 

Texting now - what's next?

HOW TEXTING IS RE-DEFINING SOCIAL ETIQUETTE You already know this—if you want to communicate with anyone from Generation iY (the kids born since 1990), you’ve got to learn to text. It’s their first language. Today, texting has blown up the dating scene. It’s much easier for a guy to ask a girl on a date through a text. Rejection—which he desperately fears—is easier to take on a screen than face to face. Acceptance is easier too. Casual, easy and non-threatening is how you may describe it. Not since the dawn of the automobile has a technology (the cell phone) so dramatically redefined the way people interact. Texting has created a new brand of social and mobile etiquette, and it has given rise to a new way of flirting and connecting between two people. Now, the need for rules is beginning to surface: Do you check your phone during a date? How soon must you reply to a text? Should a friend text you to see how the date is going? Can you break up with someone via a text message? This new reality has mushroomed out of a new norm for meeting via a screen. According to the New York Daily News more than one third of U.S. marriages begin with online dating, a recent U.S. study found. Online dating has ballooned into a billion-dollar industry and the Internet “may be altering the dynamics and outcome of marriage itself,” said the study by U.S. researchers in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. We just find screens…inviting. Choosing texting to phone calls makes sense because: Calling someone is seen as an intrusion. Texting is less intrusive. When you call people, you may not be able to get them off the phone. You can craft exactly what you want to say when you write a text. Calls are more emotionally expensive, requiring more thought and energy. All of this, however, is also allowing for soft skills to remain undeveloped. The ability to read non-verbal cues, to listen well, to give eye contact and to interpret the tone of someone’s voice cannot be cultivated on a screen. Our emotional intelligence may remain low—as emotions are often misinterpreted on a screen. In short, we get lazy. Many guys will actually send the same text message to several females—sort of like going fishing. He wants to see who will bite. Probably the biggest atrophied skill is empathy. When we use a screen to communicate it seldom cultivates empathy. 59% of people (both sexes) are now OK with breaking up with someone via text. The downside goes even deeper. Due to the increased screen time, dating abuse is more common now than ever. More than a third of teenage guys and girls say they’ve been physically or sexually abused in their dating relationship, according to new data from a nationwide survey. Similar numbers of both sexes say they have been the abusers. Some studies report that males and females are equally at risk of becoming victims and abusers—which might suggest it isn’t about size and strength, it starts with manipulating or bullying a person on a screen. The bottom line? We must find a way to help students navigate this new world. They are a generation of “firsts,” growing up dating and relating via a portable device. We must help them see the upside and downside of it all.Clinical psychologist Beverly Palmer says that because a text doesn’t afford the level of intimacy that a voice does, relationships can be ended much quicker. We must equip them to navigate a device that enables them to communicate and connect…without any relational skills.

Authenticity - Emotional Intelligence

This week we are looking at authenticity.   One way to make sense of authenticity, emotional intelligence is a great tool to use to make sense of our strengths, values and what makes us unique. Unlike IQ, EQ can be learned throughout your and can contribute to an opportunity to explore your most authentic self.

According to Goleman, there are five main themes related to EQ.  They are:  
1. Self-Awareness      
2. Managing Emotions      
3. Empathy  
4. Social Skills

Why is emotional intelligence so important?  Why do we use it in our work?  Below is a video series by Daniel Goleman that speaks specifically to the importance of developing IQ in our youth.  He also writes for those in the work force and age groups.  http://danielgoleman.info/

We would like to invite young men and their families to a forum on October 27th, 2012.  We hope to see you at the forum: Young Men - Finding Direction in the Millennium.   Throughout the day we will come together to explore what it means to be a young man growing up in the 21st century.   Part of that is learning about what make us unique and what we want to share with the world, what we would like to do at school, in the workforce, as members of a community and a family.   We are really inspired by the opportunity for growth and learning that will be presented at the forum.  If you are interested in joining us, please visit the website or email us to inquiry further about the day.  We certainly hope you will join us for a day of discovering your most authentic self.

Deepening our Awareness: Universities and Gap Years

 

 Happy Friday!  Following up to last week's blog we are on a theme about awareness.  While Neil is referring to awareness as seeing the world differently.  This week's blog explores how gap years can help inspire a period of awareness for young adults; additionally, the growing awareness and understanding of the purpose of a gap year by universities.  Below is an article that was published in the Vancouver Observer this past week.    

North Americans catching onto
gap year trend 

Source: http://www.vancouverobserver.com/life/travel/north-americans-catching-gap-year-trend#comment-233818

To gap, or not to gap? That is the question.

While the gap year, or “year out”, has been a common and popular rite of passage in Australia, New Zealand, the UK and many countries in Europe for decades,North American students have  traditionally ridden the academic conveyor belt all the way from preschool to university without a break.

Now, the tides are changing and many soon- to-be high school graduates are saying they’re burnt out, and need more time before deciding what they want to take at university. Instead of packing for their first year, they are now booking their flights to go volunteering in Africa, or work on a yacht in the Caribbean.

North America is starting to catch on to the “gap year” trend, and for good reason. Amid concerns about drop-out rates, researchers now say that students who go straight to university often find themselves in a program that doesn’t interest them, and are more likely to change programs, thus prolonging their degree and increasing their debt level, and they are more likely to quit. Experts now say that going straight to university may be short-sighted for some, and a year out is the way to go for some soul-searching.

And taking a gap year has never been easier. Many universities are now willing to defer start dates for a year – York University is embracing this gap year phenomenon with its Bridging the Gap program and “celebrates” a student’s choice to take a year off to gain work experience, do community service or go on an international exchange and will reserve the student’s admission spot for up to a year provided he or she is accepted into the program. Harvard University, one of the top universities in the world, has always been ahead of its time and for the past 40 years has proposed that students take a year out in its letter of admission.

Is there a downside to taking a gap year? Not really, according to a 2008 Statistics Canada report published jointly with Canadian Policy Research Networks. The report found that students who delay post-secondary education don’t face a disadvantage in the labour market later on – as long as they actually complete their program once started. In fact, a Canadian Council of Learning study found that students who took a gap year were eight per cent more likely to be employed upon finishing all their studies.

Understandably, many parents are a little nervous that their son or daughter will be side-tracked and destined to remain degree-less forever. However, even though there are no formal studies on the actual number of gap year students who do make their way to university, admissions staff say that only a few drop off the radar.
On the contrary, one year out in the world can make a young person more focused, better prepared for university life and more likely to complete at least one university degree. After all, it’s not getting into university that counts – it’s getting the degree at the end of the line.

Students who have taken the year out, universities, and the latest statistics aften agree that the gap year was worthwhile. Although it may be a daunting prospect for parents and students to divert from the “safe” bound-for- university-after-high-school route, the rewards and benefits are well worth stepping out of the comfort zone. To find out more about gap year options, come and visit SWAP Working Holidays and Basecamp International Center Volunteer Programs at the Study and Go Abroad Fairs.

Back to School: But I did not go.....

It is almost September.  Stores are full of back-to-school specials and the air is full of fresh promises for the year that lies ahead. Are you watching your friends' newsfeeds? Are they full of Orientation pictures? Tales of their new beginning at college or university?  Or, are you tweeting about your Orientation experience and it does not feel right?  Maybe, you did not make the choice to leave school - it made it for you.  Well, guess what - you are not alone.

Every September, groups of young adults decide, learn or are influenced to postpone their educational careers for a year or two - or even more!  Others decided into their first few weeks of school that something else is on their mind more than school: taking a gap year.

Maybe you are a parent, family member of a young adult who needs help finding direction.  This coming October, we are hosting an event for young men and their families. Young Men - Finding Direction in the Millennium will offer families and opportunity to explore what it means to be a young man navigating the world.

Whatever the path you find yourself on taking a break from your regular routine - or what feels comfortable can be a great choice.  Many of our clients come to us in the Fall.  We would love to speak with you about what you are thinking about this fall!

Child's Challenge

If Julia Child famous chef, author and television host was alive today she would have turned 100.  While you may not be able to picture the Julie Child, you might be able to pick out the red and white cover of her infamous cook book:  Mastering the Art of French Cooking.  Alternatively, you could be more familiar with the Julie and Julia movie and project  where we learn more about Julia through Julie, a young woman who aims to cook her way through the French Cookbook. 

There are two things that really stand out about Julia Child's life:

1. to get in the kitchen to try something new, and to share good food and the pleasures of the table
2. to remember you are never to old to try something new

Julia Child wrote, “This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook- try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless, and above all have fun!”  Those are some great words to live by!  Now, you do not need to get on a plane and master a cuisine.  You do not even need to get on a plane.   You simply need to try something new for 30 days.  Matt Cutts shares in his TED talk how to un-stick yourself when you are feeling trapped, unmotivated and looking for a new lease in life.  Is there something you have always put on the back burner - maybe it is learning to swim, knit or to take up running again.  The TED talk is listed below.  Alternatively, should you wish to watch something a bit more lighthearted you might like to watch Julie and Julia to celebrate century since Child's birth.

So, get out there:  try something new for 30 days.  Capture the learning in a blog, like Julie -you maybe utterly surprised where life takes you, just like Julia Child.  

Bon Appetit! 

Olympics 2012: Always Do Your Best

The world is focused on the London 2012 Olympics.  News of wins and losses grab newspaper headlines across the globe.  We are privy to inspiring stories of people from all over the world.   Did you watch Hiroshi Hoketsu of Japan?  He has held the title of the oldest athlete at the games for several years: he is 71.Maybe you watched the incredible speed and determination of Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee from South Africa.  He certainly captured the attention of many at the games.  The games also start to blur the lines of what is possible and impossible.  Agreements that we have may have made with others and ourselves. 

There are thousands of athletes at the games and it would be a shame to only focus on those that made headlines and the podiums.  We must celebrate all of the athletes and all the of the time they put into preparing in their sport.   Others we need to celebrate, and this has been captured in many commercials, are the families and coaches that have supported these athletes.  They are the leaders behind the leaders - the motivators behind the role models.    If you have been reading about the games, you will see that many individuals have mottos or words that they go back to when it comes to preparing for the big race, journey or event.    This is not too far of from moving forward during times in our lives when we feel in the midst of something big or something deeply important.  As the games continue for another week, Miguel Ruiz's five agreements comes to mind; in particular, always do your best.  Let's read more about the five agreements. 

According to don Miguel Ruiz, everything we do is based on agreements we have made — agreements with ourselves, with other people, with the universe, and with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. With these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible.

The Five Agreements:

1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORDSpeak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
   
2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLYNothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering
   
3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONSFind the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
   
4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BESTYour best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
   
5. BE SKEPTICAL, BUT LEARN TO LISTENDon’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind the words, and you will understand the real message.

In times of broken world records and even Olympic dreams it is ever so important to review what is impossible in our minds.  What we believe to be possible, what we strive for in our day to day lives must always reflect values that we hold true.  These values are ideals that we have agreed to uphold in how we lead and live our lives.   While we see hundreds of athletes achieve great heights, we must also find ways to set goals and aim high in our day to day lives.  The five agreements can help us to make sense and manage the blows when we do not always achieve what we set out to do.   This week, we have reviewed how to to do your best - watch the Olympics and cheer for those that do their best in the headlines and the podiums, but also, by being there by representing their countries. 

Miguel Ruiz's book is an incredible addition to a personal library.  It is a short read and travels well.  Take some to review the agreements.   How might you bring them into your day to day? Or do you have other mottos that you live by?

Where to Start:

 Successful Gap Years &the mygapyear Advantage

Hello future gappers and interested readers.  Hope you found our series on myths about gap years helpful.  I believe there is something about our transition from spring into summer that causes us to think differently about our lives.  We spring clean our houses, wardrobes and for some our lives! With all the new growth around us - leaves on trees and the sprouting bounty of our vegetable gardens.  For many this is a time of transition as well - out of high school, away from college or university or the end of university. This is a great time for you - who are in one of those life phases or the young adult in your life to explore an opportunity to take a gap year, short or long, to 'spring clean' their life in 2012.

How do I plan a gap year?

1. Create a personal vision/goal ex. figure out my career direction; build self-confidence and independence; learn French
2. Write down manageable steps to support your vision/goal ex. use a calendar;
3. Create a budget for your gap year; think about things you love to do
4. Research related programs and experiences that relate to your vision/goals ex. volunteer to work with children overseas; learn French in France
5. Share your ideas and surround yourself with people who will encourage and support you to keep this vision alive
6. Reflect on your self-learning and what direction you want to take as a result of your experience ex. a different academic program; a different perspective 

Feeling overwhelmed? Not sure were to start?  That is where mygapyear can help.  We have a team of experts who are eager to help you discover your passions, goals and dreams.

The mygapyear Advantage 

Our unique approach develops confident and empowered young adults ready for the opportunities that lie ahead. We partner with you to create a meaningful gap year through:

• Coaching, Emotional Intelligence Building and Leadership Development

• A researched and personalized gap year plan

• Ongoing support and encouragement throughout the experience

Interested in seeing how we can help make sense of a gap year for you or the young adult in your life?  Or do you know a school, community group or individual we should get in touch with?  Visit our website or encourage the individual in your life who could benefit from hearing about our work to message us.  We would be happy to chat with you about your goals, vision and questions about your gap year.  

Who is mygapyear?

Julie Newton
Certified Professional Coach, ACC, ACPC ( Adler trained Coach)
Julie is the co-founder of mygapyear - an organization that empowers young adults to find direction at a pivotal time in their lives through taking a gap year. Julie's energized to create new pathways to empower young adults to transform their own lives. Julie has expertise in coaching young adults and parents to recognize strengths and values that build confidence and create life changing choices for future paths. Julie has over 15 years experience in the public sector in policy development and program delivery with extensive experience in education and retraining initiatives. Julie wants to create a space where young adults and parents can explore ways to move forward. Julie has a recently completed a certification in coaching youth with ADHD.

Tara Rinomato
Research and Travel Specialist
Tara is the co-founder of mygapyear. She is an expert in identifying and planning out of the box opportunities for young people. She is a resource in the community for sourcing educational programs outside the school environment, and is continually exploring innovative learning experiences. As the mother of two young men and a daughter Tara recognizes the importance of self discovery through transitional times, especially for young adults . Tara brings a playful approach to create an exciting gap year plan.
Alexandra Revesz
Certified Emotional Intelligence ( EQ-i) Coach
Alexandra is passionate about working with young adults through transitions. Her focus is to help individuals unlock and embrace hidden potential and pro-actively achieve their goals. Alexandra's background in Human resources and career transitions provides expertise in helping individuals find direction and creating positive change. She is EQ-i certified and has developed, designed and delivered work shops related to emotional intelligence, change and transition, and work/life success. Alexandra hopes to boost gapper's self awareness to empower meaningful choices. She is currently pursuing a professional coaching designation through Adler International Learning.

Michelle Garbacz
Leadership Specialist/Ontario Certified Teacher
Michelle has a passion for young adult leadership development and creating an environment where young adults can exercise their voice. With a background in teaching, camping, experiential education and her extensive work with young adults, Michelle brings experience in drawing out the learning from every situation.   She is strongly committed to fostering a community amongst gappers.  She is currently working on her Masters of Arts in Leadership from Royal Roads University and works at Georgian College.

Six Simple Resilience Practices - Week Six: Commit Explicitly to Your Resilience

Below you will find Doug Silsbee's 6th and final installment of his resilience practices writings.  We hope you have enjoyed learning about resilience from a coaching professional and are able to find ways to apply it to your own life.
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Commit Explicitly to Your Resilience

Most of us, at least most of the people that are reading this, are very willing to invest in learning particular competencies and capabilities that allow us to produce what we want in our lives. Too, most of us understand the importance of eating well, exercising, and taking care of ourselves.
However, for many, it is a new and revelatory way of thinking to recognize that resilience itself is a capacity that we can invest in, that we can build. Resilience is essential and pre-requisite for maintaining our focus, energy, and persistence in life. And, at the core, resilience is virtually synonymous with the self-generativity that produces aliveness, fulfillment and joy.
Thus, I differentiate resilience from a mere coping strategy, or a set of tools that allows us to endure more for longer. Rather, a commitment to resilience is in fact the entry point to a life-long pathway towards your own integrated development, including physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual components.
In saying this, I'm not assuming that's what you were looking for when you decided to read this. Many people discover a need for resilience simply through a felt need to better manage what is on their plates. Yet, when we really move into it, and we commit to our resilience as an on-going project, we slowly wake up into all the possibilities that a committed practice of self-cultivation reveals.So, now, you get to choose. Presumably, you've read the first five installments of this series. (If not, subscribe below for access.) Review them again. Remind yourself of which really spoke to you and opened something up. Choose perhaps two of these five strategies to really work with, and that complement each other.Then, create a plan. Be specific and concrete. In your plan, address:
·       What, specifically, will you do on a daily basis to work with that particular tool or practice? Weekly?
·       What structure will you build into your already busy life so that this keeps your attention?
·       For the sake of what are you doing this? How will you remind yourself of this?
·       Who will you make a request of in order to support you and hold you accountable?
·       What additional reading, coaching, or other resources will help you deepen your understanding of this and keep it fresh and evolving?
Notice your commitment. Is it firm and clear? Or, soft and gushy? If the latter, how can you mobilize your energy for this by re-orienting to your purpose for doing it? By being present with the real choice that it represents? By choosing a resilient perspective? By engaging someone else as a partner through making a request? By recognizing that, in a sea of commitments where you sometimes feel out of control, this is a place where you do have control?
Now, make it happen!


Doug Silsbee, PCC
Presence-Based Leadership Development
• Presence-Based Coaching for Leaders
• Training and Mentoring for Coaches
• Author, The Mindful Coach and Presence-Based Coaching

828-254-2021
http://dougsilsbee.com
3717 Bend of Ivy Rd.
Marshall, NC 28753

Six Simple Resilience Practices - Week Five: Choose Your Perspective

Another word from Doug Silsbee:
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Choose Your Perspective

Our perspectives are notoriously malleable and subjective, and what we consider to be truth is, upon investigation, rather elusive. Consider what a Fox News viewer and an NPR listener might say when asked about how we might best address the Iran issue! Or how you and a loved one can sometimes experience friction, each knowing that your interpretation of a difficult interaction is the inarguable truth!
Consider how your experience of a sculpture changes as you walk around it and view it from different angles. The sculpture itself is just there. Yet, our experience of it is shaped by our perspective. Two kids, each viewing a sign painted green on one side and red on the other, might have real trouble agreeing about what color it is, when both are actually right.
We can expand this notion to address non-physical things. On one given day, we might think "They can't pay me enough to do this job!" The next day, we're on a roll, and we think to ourselves "I can't believe I actually get paid to do this!" Same job. Same us. Different perspective. And, different experience of self within the situation.
Resilient people recognize the power of perspective, and understand that they can actually choose a generative perspective on any situation. Viktor Frankl famously said, after spending years in a Nazi concentration camp, "The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes." Frankl's resilience, derived from the internal locus of control that this wisdom represents, was instrumental in his inspiring survival of one of the most traumatic experiences that anyone could have.Choose a situation that feels difficult, or energy-sapping. Now, list at least four or five different perspectives on this situation. (e.g., "It's not fair." "This is challenging me so that I have to develop new skills." "It will be over soon." "I have dealt with more difficult situations in the past." "I have other resources that I can access in this...." You get the idea.)
Now, for each perspective, step into it as you would try on a new dress or shirt in the store. Try each perspective on and see what it feels like. Find specific, grounded evidence that this particular perspective is actually true. See that you can, by doing this, make any perspective the Truth about the situation, just as one kid saw red and the other green. See how grounding your perspective in solid evidence changes your experience of yourself in the situation.
Now, choose the most resilient, generative and liberating perspective and reside firmly in it, so that it becomes your felt experience, rather than simply an intellectual construct. Make it yours.


Doug Silsbee, PCC
Presence-Based Leadership Development

828-254-2021
http://dougsilsbee.com
3717 Bend of Ivy Rd.
Marshall, NC 28753

Six Simple Resilience Practices - Week Four: Choose and Act from Purpose

Doug Silsbee, a coach who focuses on leadership development says:
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Choose and Act from Purpose

The essence of resilience is making choices, in the moment, about what we focus our attention on and what we organize ourselves towards. This can, of course, be hugely challenging. At the same time, it is fundamental to building agency in our lives: the capacity for action, no matter the circumstance.
President Obama, in a fascinating 2004 interview, said that he frequently asks, "How does this connect with a larger sense of purpose?" He explained, "The most powerful political moments for me come when I feel like my actions are aligned with a certain truth. I can feel it. When I'm talking to a group and I'm saying something truthful, I can feel a power that comes out of those statements that is different than when I'm just being glib or clever."
We can access a different feeling about a particular activity by connecting it to a larger sense of purpose. We can ask ourselves "For the sake of what am I doing this?"
For example, I generally don't get excited about marketing. The message that you are reading has a marketing intention; hopefully readers like you will become interested in my work and we will develop a deeper relationship. Yet, my motivation and passion gets ignited by writing these little pieces for people that I know and care about, and who I believe will derive something of value that they can use in their lives. The real purpose for this is to support people in waking up, in the fullest sense, in their lives. If it generates business, of course, that's great. However, first and foremost, I orient towards the purpose of accelerating the development of people in my network. Connecting the writing to that purpose is much more energizing for me, and is what allows me to produce this message (and coach leaders and even write whole books!)Ask yourself this: For the sake of what are you doing what you're doing? Find the purpose, deeper and more meaningful than the immediate goal, that a given activity serves. Connect the dots:
·       "I am hiring a professional video producer in order to deliver this message in the most powerful possible way and make a tangible difference for viewers." (That's different from "keep me on track in the project.")
·       "I am exercising for the sake of feeling fully alive, energized and creative for my clients." (Different from "losing weight.")
·       "I am letting my assistant go because she will be more fulfilled in a different job and I need a different level of support in order to do mine." (Different from "she's incompetent.")
Experiment with this. Consider a current task or project with which you are struggling for motivation and focus. Describe, on paper if you wish, why you are doing it. Note the reasons... which reasons feel like "should's?" Which reasons feel mobilizing and inspiring?
Now, organize your attention around the latter. Center yourself in those purposes, connecting, in your awareness, the activity to the purpose it serves. Note how your relationship to the activity changes as you connect it to purpose.

Doug Silsbee, PCC
Presence-Based Leadership Development
828-254-2021
http://dougsilsbee.com
3717 Bend of Ivy Rd.
Marshall, NC 28753

Six Simple Resilience Practices - Week Three: Make Requests

Doug Silsbee continues to shed light on what resilience really means and how we can achieve it.
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Make Requests

I have coached many successful entrepreneurs and executives who struggle with their tendency to over-commit. These are people with rewarding jobs who love what they do, but who get exhausted and lose touch with themselves and their non-professional relationships, sometimes at tremendous personal cost.
Often, people like this (and I include myself!) don't see the places where others could help. We have built strong identities as Doers or Problem-solvers that perpetuate our tendency to over-commit.
A key resilience strategy is to be in the business of making requests. I often work in depth with coaching clients around this important competency, which many successful people do poorly! 

Requesting includes, but is much larger than, simply delegating tasks to others. When we make a request, it can be a request for a specific action, for a hamburger at a restaurant, for information, for someone else to take on part of what we're doing, or a move into a different kind of relationship. We make the request by identifying what we need and when we need it. Then, we engage in a conversation with someone else about the request, such that this person can understand and deliver what we need.As a resilience strategy, making requests is fundamental.
·       In order to formulate a request we have to look at ourselves in our situation and discern what we need within it. That's a significant move, and untangles us from the sometimes overwhelming nature of complex situations in which we can't find any suitable course of action.
·       Staying in action is central to resilience; making a request is a form of action. Whether or not the other person commits to delivering on our request, the act of requesting engages us with others and mobilizes energy, the antidotes to stuckness and overwhelm.
·       Third, the result of a request, made clearly and fulfilled by the person we asked, is that we now have support, a hamburger, a service, or something else that we have identified as a need. 
Work with this for a week. Note, during the course of the day, when you make requests. Bring more intentionality into this process, recognizing that the request itself is a powerful act. Several times a day, take the time to clarify what you need in a situation, and formulate a specific request that you can make of someone, which, if fulfilled, will be helpful to you. Then, make the request and see what happens.

 



Doug Silsbee, PCC
Presence-Based Leadership Development
828-254-2021
http://dougsilsbee.com
3717 Bend of Ivy Rd.
Marshall, NC 28753

Six Simple Resilience Practices - Week Two: Discern Where You Have Control, and Where You Don't

 Please enjoy the following ideas from Doug Silsbee, a coach focusing on Presence-Based Leadership Development.
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Discern Where You Have Control, and Where You Don't

I, like many of you, get paid to solve problems. It is easy for me to move quickly into a complicated situation, and to see all the challenges and constraints that are inherent in the situation.
Here's the problem. When we organize our attention around constraints, constraints are all we will see. We become immobilized when every course of action seems to lead to other problems. And, often, there is much in any given situation over which we don't have control. The sum total of seemingly immutable facts can seem paralyzing.
So, it is critical to learn to differentiate what we have control over and what we don't. In a given situation, it can be very helpful to actually list out, in two columns, what we don't control and what we have some level of influence over. In the first column, we might list the sorry state of the economy, a boss's attitude or behavior, institutional constraints, budget realities. In the latter column, we list things like our own attitude, the priorities that we set for the day, the particulars that we delegate to a team member, or an exploratory conversation with a possible ally.When we discern the difference, we begin to relax around the givens that we have no control over. And, we begin to see that there are real actions that we can take that are, in fact, empowering. They are unlikely to solve the entire problem. Yet, they get us in motion and provide us with a sense of agency. We become more resourceful.
Practice this. Consider some situation that you face that seems intractable. Prepare a piece of paper with two columns titled "Out of My Control" and "Under My Influence." Then, simply list as many factors as you can in both columns. See what possibilities are revealed through this discernment.

Doug Silsbee, PCC
Presence-Based Leadership Development
828-254-2021
http://dougsilsbee.com
3717 Bend of Ivy Rd.
Marshall, NC 28753

Conferences -what do you walk away with? What do you do when you "get back” to keep it alive?

I attended the International Coaching Federation (ICF) conference in Las Vegas this week. A first time for me at this conference. The Las Vegas venue made it an easy decision! The theme of "playing to the edge" created the back drop for the conference held at the Mandalay Bay Hotel .  Key note speakers Michael Gelb,  Sir Ken Robinson, Steve Farber who have played on the edge of their fields of endeavour provided the hook and curiosity for me to sign up. Oh and my husband wanted to come along too! 

 I walked away with some new ideas, some books to check out, an appreciation of laughter and wit and a sense of gratitude for skillful engaging speakers. I also found my own sense of play –I took some time before the conference started in the spa ( the quick fix treatment of a 25 minute Swedish Massage and a hydro facial did just that) and rebooted my energy.

The conference connected me to the larger community of coaches -over 18,000 credentialed coaches in over 100 countries. The profession is growing and with that growth comes the need for regulation, training standards and brand development, all of which were addressed during the conference.
I'm amazed at the places and specialities where coaching shows up - executive, leadership, conflict management, transition and career, life/personal, teen, youth with ADHD and so on. Coaches are in HR departments, boardrooms, yoga studios, working with small business teams, in public sector organizations and with individual clients.

 For me, - taking time to reconnect with the wider coaching community was one of my biggest take a ways. We get so busy with our daily activities, so it’s great to check back in and reconnect with what made me choose this profession. Coaches are an extremely friendly group - you never feel alone - whoever sits beside you will be curious and interested and have something to share -even when I was sitting in Starbucks on a break! 

Great tools and coaching demos were provided – I was reminded how important it is to have a coaching presence – how body language influences the coaching conversation.  I learned some new tools, including a technique to help clients use a fairy tale format to tell their stories (once upon a time) ,and how to use the power of intuition to  tap into what is already working for you.

So I walked away with lots of goodies.

The trick will be to keep that sense of curiosity and motivation alive for when I get back -I want to research some of the new stuff I learned and connect with some of the people I met. I’m writing this on the plane headed home -so I'll let you know how I did on follow up.

A week later, - I have sorted through the bag of info I brought back, have sent follow up emails to the coaches I wanted to connect with , and ordered some of the books I was introduced to, - so I’m getting there! I’m going to try out some of my new found tools as well – so it’s still alive for me and well worth it. What about you? Have you kept your resolutions from the last conference you attended? If not – what’s getting in the way?

What If...?

When we were children, we daydreamed all the time. The older we got, the less time we had to imagine things other than what we had to deal with in our daily lives.

Today, it's time to let your imagination run wild. Create a list with the top 10 things you want to do , see or experience in your life. Dream big, dream small, it's up to you.

If there were no limitations placed on yourself and your life , what would you do?

Start with 10 and by all means, keep going. This is a good way to begin to develop a clear perception of the potential of the world around you. And, years from now It will be fun to go back and see that you indeed did do many of the things you could only once imagine.

Perhaps one of those dreams was to take a gap year, maybe after high school or university. What would be your top three places to visit or top three cool things to do? What if you had the time to take a gap year? Would you? We can help those dreams come true.

Healthy Lifestyle - often on a wish list for Gappers. Try out one our tips this week-end?

A popular value among Gappers is having a healthy life style. Part of our  gap year experience includes taking an inward journey, creating self awareness through coaching and paying attention to balancing mind body and soul. Taking care of ourselves is an important part of that journey.

Here are some healthy life style tips to help you take some "self care" steps.

• Do Yoga.  Not only is it great for the body, yoga can help you to relax.  All you need is a place to close your eyes and quiet your mind. 
• Moderation is the key to healthy eating.  Enjoy whole grains, lean meats, fruits and veggies more often and save treats for special occasions. 
• Exercise is cumulative.  Short on time?  Remember that all your exercise adds up.  If you can’t get in a full workout, try to be active several times throughout the day. 
• Check out ExerciseTV.com for pilates, strength training and everything in between.  The programs run anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes and are free! 
• To achieve better sleep, make sure that you are in total darkness, the room is not to warm and avoid caffeine and alcohol before bedtime. 
• Remember that rest is just important as exercise.  Listen to your body and take time off when you need to. 
• For a quick and easy breakfast, try this morning smoothie.  Toss ½ cup of milk, ½ cup of yogurt, half a frozen banana, 1 tbsp of peanut butter and 1 tsp of cocoa in a blender and enjoy! 

Healthy Tips for Gappers were supplied by Custom Fit Consulting. See our Blog Love for a link to the site

 

Welcome to mygapyear Blog!

A llama's view of Machu Picchu

Here is just an example of  the many places you might explore during a gap year.  What is a gap year?

It is a life-changing year...

1. Between high school and college/university.
2. During or after higher learning.
3. Any other transition time in your life.

Through this blog, we will share information on gap years, coaching youth, emotional intelligence and learning outside the classroom.

We hope you will join us on the journey.

Julie & Tara