Showing posts with label emotional intelligence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional intelligence. Show all posts

Friday, 14 June 2013

EQ and IQ: What matters when leading?

 

 

LEADERTIP #10: HOW TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE



It used to be that I.Q. was more important than E.Q. to leaders. In other words, the person with the highest I.Q. got to be the leader. Today—it’s now more about E.Q. than I.Q. Our emotional intelligence, or the way we manage our emotions and the emotions of others are key to connecting with and leading teams. Consider this: Success in school is about 75% I.Q., and 25% E.Q.  Once you enter your career, it’s just the opposite. Good leaders cultivate good people skills.
Emotional Intelligence is the sum total of four ingredients:
  1. My self awareness
  2. My self-management
  3. My social awareness
  4. My relationship management.
So How Do Leaders Connect with People?
Many leaders make the mistake of separating leadership from relationships. This happens when a person steps into a position of leadership and assumes that everyone will follow them because of their position.
“People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” -Dr. John C. Maxwell 

Four Word Pictures

1.THE ANALOGY OF THE HOST.
(Take initiative and make them feel comfortable)
Every interaction has a host and guest. Good leaders “host” the relationships on their team. Knowing what a good host does in their home, we ought to be able to do it with people everywhere. Leaders set the tone and create safe environments to grow.

2.THE ANALOGY OF THE DOCTOR.
(Ask questions. Probe and poke with until you see a need)
Doctors ask questions before they give answers. As you attempt to discern people’s needs or team problems—ask questions, until you can see where they are. Only then do you try to address their needs. Don’t give a prescription before a diagnosis.

3.THE ANALOGY OF THE COUNSELOR.
(Become an active listener and discern what you hear)
Just like a good counselor, your verbal and non-verbal skills communicate you understand. Leaders must be active listeners. They realize listening motivates faster than great speeches. We earn our right to speak by listening.

4.THE ANALOGY OF THE TOUR GUIDE.
(Don’t merely travel with them but get them to the destination)
Leaders are not travel agents who merely tell people about a destination. A leader’s people skills must result in their ability to take people to a destination. Our purpose isn’t to be liked by people, but to take them on a journey and to reach a goal.

Leading Difficult People
Every leader is going to face difficult people and draining positions. Every teacher can say the same thing about their classrooms. What’s more, almost every parent will face the same dilemma in their home. They will have kids who drain them because they are so much alike, or because they are so different, the adult reaches the end of their rope and has no strategy to deal with the child. The following ones are common to leaders, teachers and parents. Let me suggest a strategy for each difficult student, and what I’ve found to be a healthy strategy to lead them:

TYPE                                                            STRATEGY
1. The Sherman Tank: rides over people.    1. Consider the issue; stand up if important
2. Space Cadet: lives in another world        2. Find and develop their unique gifts
3. The Volcano: explosive, unpredictable    3. Remove from crowd, listen, be direct
4. The Thumb Sucker: self-pity, pouts        4. Don’t reward; show them to real trouble
5. The Wet Blanket: always down               5. Be honest, don’t cater or let them lead
6. Garbage Collector: attracts the worst       6. Challenge their statements; force honesty
7. The User: demands much time, energy    7. Set boundaries; require accountability


Ten Truths Every Leader Should Know About People
Throughout my career, I have learned people skills from some of mentors, including John Maxwell, Andy Stanley, Shawn Mitchell and others. The following are a list of ten realities that I use as reminders of the basic needs my team members have:
1. People are often insecure. Give them confidence.
2. People like to feel special. Honor them.
3. People look for a better tomorrow. Give them hope.
4. People need to be understood. Listen to them.
5. People lack direction. Navigate for them.
6. People are needy. Speak to their needs first.
7. People get emotionally low. Encourage them.
8. People want to associate with success. Help them win.
9. People desire good relationships. Build community on your team.
10. People seek models to follow. Set the example for them.


Questions for Reflection
1. Are you a natural “people person”? Why do you believe this?
2. What’s the most challenging type of person for you to lead? How do you do it?

Friday, 5 October 2012

Part II: Alignment: Judger/Learner



There was a reason the blog signed off with a video about the book: Change your Questions, Change your life.    The first question in the next set of questions from Martha Beck is listed below.  If we focus too much on what is wrong, instead of looking towards what is right, or what could be better one can fall victim to aligning yourself and attaching negative experiences.   This traps us.

On October 27th, mygapyear has created a forum to help open two groups to question their relationships, conversations and how they align themselves with a changing world.  Young Men Finding Direction is a collaborative event hosted by mygapyear in partnership with several men who can relate to questioning being a man growing up in the 21st century.  We invite families and their sons to come and explore this question.

In the meantime, laugh and live into these questions.  

11. Where am I wrong?
This might well be the most powerful question on our list—as Socrates believed, we gain our first measure of intelligence when we first admit our own ignorance. Your ego wants you to avoid noticing where you may have bad information or unworkable ideas. But you'll gain far more capability and respect by asking where you're wrong than by insisting you're right.

12. What potential memories am I bartering, and is the profit worth the price?
I once read a story about a world where people sold memories the way we can sell plasma. The protagonist was an addict who'd pawned many memories for drugs but had sworn never to sell his memory of falling in love. His addiction won. Afterward he was unaware of his loss, lacking the memory he'd sold. But for the reader, the trade-off was ghastly to contemplate. Every time you choose social acceptance over your heart's desires, or financial gain over ethics, or your comfort zone over the adventure you were born to experience, you're making a similar deal. Don't.

13. Am I the only one struggling not to {fart} during {yoga}?
I felt profoundly liberated when this issue was raised on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update." Not everyone does yoga, but SNL reminded me that everyone dreads committing some sort of gaffe. Substitute your greatest shame-fear: crying at work, belching in church, throwing up on the prime minister of Japan. Then know you aren't alone. Everyone worries about such faux pas, and many have committed them (well, maybe not the throwing up on PMs). Accepting this is a bold step toward mental health and a just society.

14. What do I love to practice?
Some psychologists believe that no one is born with any particular talent and that all skill is gained through practice. Studies have shown that masters are simply people who've practiced a skill intensely for 10,000 hours or more. That requires loving—not liking, loving—what you do. If you really want to excel, go where you're passionate enough to practice.

15. Where could I work less and achieve more?
To maximize time spent practicing your passions, minimize everything else. These days you can find machines or human helpers to assist with almost anything. Author Timothy Ferriss "batches" job tasks into his famous "four-hour workweek." My client Cindy has an e-mail ghostwriter. Another client, Angela, hired an assistant in the Philippines who flawlessly tracks her schedule and her investments. Get creative with available resources to find more time in your life and life in your time.

16. How can I keep myself absolutely safe?
Ask this question just to remind yourself of the answer: You can't. Life is inherently uncertain. The way to cope with that reality is not to control and avoid your way into a rigid little demi-life, but to develop courage. Doing what you long to do, despite fear, will accomplish this.

17. Where should I break the rules?
If everyone kept all the rules, we'd still be practicing cherished traditions like child marriage, slavery, and public hangings. The way humans become humane is by assessing from the heart, rather than the rule book, where the justice of a situation lies. Sometimes you have to break the rules around you to keep the rules within you.

18. So say I lived in that fabulous house in Tuscany, with untold wealth, a gorgeous, adoring mate, and a full staff of servants...then what?
We can get so obsessed with acquiring fabulous lives that we forget to live. When my clients ask themselves this question, they almost always discover that their "perfect life" pastimes are already available. Sharing joy with loved ones, spending time in nature, finding inner peace, writing your novel, plotting revenge—you can do all these things right now. Begin!

19. Are my thoughts hurting or healing?
Your situation may endanger your life and limbs, but only your thoughts can endanger your happiness. Telling yourself a miserable mental story about your circumstances creates suffering. Telling yourself a more positive and grateful story, studies show, increases happiness. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, choose thoughts that knit your heart together, rather than tear it apart.

20. Really truly: Is this what I want to be doing?
It's been several seconds since you asked this. Ask it again. Not to make yourself petulant or frustrated—just to see if it's possible to choose anything, and I mean any little thing, that would make your present experience more delightful. Thus continues the revolution.

Friday, 28 September 2012

Part 1: Alignment: Find the Questions First



Friday, 21 September 2012

Authenticity - Emotional Intelligence

This week we are looking at authenticity.   One way to make sense of authenticity, emotional intelligence is a great tool to use to make sense of our strengths, values and what makes us unique. Unlike IQ, EQ can be learned throughout your and can contribute to an opportunity to explore your most authentic self.

According to Goleman, there are five main themes related to EQ.  They are:  
1. Self-Awareness      
2. Managing Emotions      
3. Empathy  
4. Social Skills

Why is emotional intelligence so important?  Why do we use it in our work?  Below is a video series by Daniel Goleman that speaks specifically to the importance of developing IQ in our youth.  He also writes for those in the work force and age groups.  http://danielgoleman.info/




We would like to invite young men and their families to a forum on October 27th, 2012.  We hope to see you at the forum: Young Men - Finding Direction in the Millennium.   Throughout the day we will come together to explore what it means to be a young man growing up in the 21st century.   Part of that is learning about what make us unique and what we want to share with the world, what we would like to do at school, in the workforce, as members of a community and a family.   We are really inspired by the opportunity for growth and learning that will be presented at the forum.  If you are interested in joining us, please visit the website or email us to inquiry further about the day.  We certainly hope you will join us for a day of discovering your most authentic self.









Friday, 14 September 2012

Deepening our Awareness: Universities and Gap Years

 

 Happy Friday!  Following up to last week's blog we are on a theme about awareness.  While Neil is referring to awareness as seeing the world differently.  This week's blog explores how gap years can help inspire a period of awareness for young adults; additionally, the growing awareness and understanding of the purpose of a gap year by universities.  Below is an article that was published in the Vancouver Observer this past week.    

North Americans catching onto
gap year trend 

Source: http://www.vancouverobserver.com/life/travel/north-americans-catching-gap-year-trend#comment-233818



To gap, or not to gap? That is the question.

While the gap year, or “year out”, has been a common and popular rite of passage in Australia, New Zealand, the UK and many countries in Europe for decades,North American students have  traditionally ridden the academic conveyor belt all the way from preschool to university without a break.

Now, the tides are changing and many soon- to-be high school graduates are saying they’re burnt out, and need more time before deciding what they want to take at university. Instead of packing for their first year, they are now booking their flights to go volunteering in Africa, or work on a yacht in the Caribbean.

North America is starting to catch on to the “gap year” trend, and for good reason. Amid concerns about drop-out rates, researchers now say that students who go straight to university often find themselves in a program that doesn’t interest them, and are more likely to change programs, thus prolonging their degree and increasing their debt level, and they are more likely to quit. Experts now say that going straight to university may be short-sighted for some, and a year out is the way to go for some soul-searching.

And taking a gap year has never been easier. Many universities are now willing to defer start dates for a year – York University is embracing this gap year phenomenon with its Bridging the Gap program and “celebrates” a student’s choice to take a year off to gain work experience, do community service or go on an international exchange and will reserve the student’s admission spot for up to a year provided he or she is accepted into the program. Harvard University, one of the top universities in the world, has always been ahead of its time and for the past 40 years has proposed that students take a year out in its letter of admission.

Is there a downside to taking a gap year? Not really, according to a 2008 Statistics Canada report published jointly with Canadian Policy Research Networks. The report found that students who delay post-secondary education don’t face a disadvantage in the labour market later on – as long as they actually complete their program once started. In fact, a Canadian Council of Learning study found that students who took a gap year were eight per cent more likely to be employed upon finishing all their studies.

Understandably, many parents are a little nervous that their son or daughter will be side-tracked and destined to remain degree-less forever. However, even though there are no formal studies on the actual number of gap year students who do make their way to university, admissions staff say that only a few drop off the radar.
On the contrary, one year out in the world can make a young person more focused, better prepared for university life and more likely to complete at least one university degree. After all, it’s not getting into university that counts – it’s getting the degree at the end of the line.

Students who have taken the year out, universities, and the latest statistics aften agree that the gap year was worthwhile. Although it may be a daunting prospect for parents and students to divert from the “safe” bound-for- university-after-high-school route, the rewards and benefits are well worth stepping out of the comfort zone. To find out more about gap year options, come and visit SWAP Working Holidays and Basecamp International Center Volunteer Programs at the Study and Go Abroad Fairs.

Friday, 31 August 2012

Back to School: But I did not go.....


It is almost September.  Stores are full of back-to-school specials and the air is full of fresh promises for the year that lies ahead. Are you watching your friends' newsfeeds? Are they full of Orientation pictures? Tales of their new beginning at college or university?  Or, are you tweeting about your Orientation experience and it does not feel right?  Maybe, you did not make the choice to leave school - it made it for you.  Well, guess what - you are not alone.

Every September, groups of young adults decide, learn or are influenced to postpone their educational careers for a year or two - or even more!  Others decided into their first few weeks of school that something else is on their mind more than school: taking a gap year.

Maybe you are a parent, family member of a young adult who needs help finding direction.  This coming October, we are hosting an event for young men and their families. Young Men - Finding Direction in the Millennium will offer families and opportunity to explore what it means to be a young man navigating the world.

Whatever the path you find yourself on taking a break from your regular routine - or what feels comfortable can be a great choice.  Many of our clients come to us in the Fall.  We would love to speak with you about what you are thinking about this fall!




Friday, 17 August 2012

Child's Challenge

If Julia Child famous chef, author and television host was alive today she would have turned 100.  While you may not be able to picture the Julie Child, you might be able to pick out the red and white cover of her infamous cook book:  Mastering the Art of French Cooking.  Alternatively, you could be more familiar with the Julie and Julia movie and project  where we learn more about Julia through Julie, a young woman who aims to cook her way through the French Cookbook. 

There are two things that really stand out about Julia Child's life:

1. to get in the kitchen to try something new, and to share good food and the pleasures of the table
2. to remember you are never to old to try something new

Julia Child wrote, “This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook- try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless, and above all have fun!”  Those are some great words to live by!  Now, you do not need to get on a plane and master a cuisine.  You do not even need to get on a plane.   You simply need to try something new for 30 days.  Matt Cutts shares in his TED talk how to un-stick yourself when you are feeling trapped, unmotivated and looking for a new lease in life.  Is there something you have always put on the back burner - maybe it is learning to swim, knit or to take up running again.  The TED talk is listed below.  Alternatively, should you wish to watch something a bit more lighthearted you might like to watch Julie and Julia to celebrate century since Child's birth.

So, get out there:  try something new for 30 days.  Capture the learning in a blog, like Julie -you maybe utterly surprised where life takes you, just like Julia Child.  

Bon Appetit! 






Friday, 25 May 2012


Where to Start:

 Successful Gap Years &the mygapyear Advantage


Hello future gappers and interested readers.  Hope you found our series on myths about gap years helpful.  I believe there is something about our transition from spring into summer that causes us to think differently about our lives.  We spring clean our houses, wardrobes and for some our lives! With all the new growth around us - leaves on trees and the sprouting bounty of our vegetable gardens.  For many this is a time of transition as well - out of high school, away from college or university or the end of university. This is a great time for you - who are in one of those life phases or the young adult in your life to explore an opportunity to take a gap year, short or long, to 'spring clean' their life in 2012.



How do I plan a gap year?

  1. Create a personal vision/goal ex. figure out my career direction; build self-confidence and independence; learn French
  2. Write down manageable steps to support your vision/goal ex. use a calendar;
  3. Create a budget for your gap year; think about things you love to do
  4. Research related programs and experiences that relate to your vision/goals ex. volunteer to work with children overseas; learn French in France
  5. Share your ideas and surround yourself with people who will encourage and support you to keep this vision alive
  6. Reflect on your self-learning and what direction you want to take as a result of your experience ex. a different academic program; a different perspective 


Feeling overwhelmed? Not sure were to start?  That is where mygapyear can help.  We have a team of experts who are eager to help you discover your passions, goals and dreams.


The mygapyear Advantage 

Our unique approach develops confident and empowered young adults ready for the opportunities that lie ahead. We partner with you to create a meaningful gap year through:

  • Coaching, Emotional Intelligence Building and Leadership Development
  • A researched and personalized gap year plan
  • Ongoing support and encouragement throughout the experience

Interested in seeing how we can help make sense of a gap year for you or the young adult in your life?  Or do you know a school, community group or individual we should get in touch with?  Visit our website or encourage the individual in your life who could benefit from hearing about our work to message us.  We would be happy to chat with you about your goals, vision and questions about your gap year.  


Friday, 16 March 2012

Who is mygapyear?

Bio_picture.jpgJulie Newton
Certified Professional Coach, ACC, ACPC ( Adler trained Coach)
Julie is the co-founder of mygapyear - an organization that empowers young adults to find direction at a pivotal time in their lives through taking a gap year. Julie's energized to create new pathways to empower young adults to transform their own lives. Julie has expertise in coaching young adults and parents to recognize strengths and values that build confidence and create life changing choices for future paths. Julie has over 15 years experience in the public sector in policy development and program delivery with extensive experience in education and retraining initiatives. Julie wants to create a space where young adults and parents can explore ways to move forward. Julie has a recently completed a certification in coaching youth with ADHD.

tara.pngTara Rinomato
Research and Travel Specialist
Tara is the co-founder of mygapyear. She is an expert in identifying and planning out of the box opportunities for young people. She is a resource in the community for sourcing educational programs outside the school environment, and is continually exploring innovative learning experiences. As the mother of two young men and a daughter Tara recognizes the importance of self discovery through transitional times, especially for young adults . Tara brings a playful approach to create an exciting gap year plan.
1803(2).JPGAlexandra Revesz
Certified Emotional Intelligence ( EQ-i) Coach
Alexandra is passionate about working with young adults through transitions. Her focus is to help individuals unlock and embrace hidden potential and pro-actively achieve their goals. Alexandra's background in Human resources and career transitions provides expertise in helping individuals find direction and creating positive change. She is EQ-i certified and has developed, designed and delivered work shops related to emotional intelligence, change and transition, and work/life success. Alexandra hopes to boost gapper's self awareness to empower meaningful choices. She is currently pursuing a professional coaching designation through Adler International Learning.



IMG_9148.JPG






Michelle Garbacz
Leadership Specialist/Ontario Certified Teacher
Michelle has a passion for young adult leadership development and creating an environment where young adults can exercise their voice. With a background in teaching, camping, experiential education and her extensive work with young adults, Michelle brings experience in drawing out the learning from every situation.   She is strongly committed to fostering a community amongst gappers.  She is currently working on her Masters of Arts in Leadership from Royal Roads University and works at Georgian College.

Friday, 26 August 2011

Harnessing the Power of EQ in Youth!

There is a good chance that you have come across the term Emotional Intelligence, or EQ as it is often referred to, some point during the past decade. In fact, the last book I was reading on EQ starts off simply stating that “By now, Emotional Intelligence needs little introduction – it’s no secret that it’s critical to your success”. And yes on the one hand I have to agree, ever since Daniel Goleman published his ground breaking book on Emotional Intelligence in 1995, it has certainly become a hot topic in business and academia with countless articles published and books written on the subject.

Yet, as I sit here, I’m left to wonder if people have fully embraced EQ in their everyday lives? Or could we perhaps inject some vibrancy into this field by making it more accessible outside of business circles? I am specifically referring to the “future generation” of young men and women who would clearly benefit from EQ development, but unfortunately, most have not been exposed to it.

When I ask my young clients (mainly highschool and university students) if they have ever heard of EQ, I am surprised at how many have not. And it seems even the ones who have heard of emotionalintelligence are unsure of how to apply to their own lives.Of course, when I ask them if they think they might benefit from being more confident, improving their interpersonal relationships, or being able to better cope with stress and/or change …..The resounding answer is yes!

And research has shown that these are precisely the personal qualities and skills required for a successful transition to university from high school. Research has also shown that many students who don’t possess these skills when entering university or collage have a much higher dropout rate than their peers. So how can we help youth build these skills before embarking on higher education….?


One option to consider is encouraging high school students to take a gap year!At the very heart of a gap year is the idea that young men and women can choose to take some time away from the accepted, and often “expected” path carved out from kindergarten all the way through to university and opt for personal growth outside the classroom. A gap year is a year away from formal education, and a time dedicated to self discovery. It is a time for self reflection where individuals can gain self awareness and insight into what is important to them through travel, volunteering and other life experiences. And it is a time when they can build those fundamental EQ skills that everyone agrees is so critical for success. It has been said that life experience itself is the best classroom when it comes to learning and developing the emotional and social skills associated with emotional intelligence so why not urge students to take a journey of self discovery and build the very skills that will empower them in university and beyond.

Emotional Intelligence can help youth to
  • Identify strengths and personal goals
  • Adapt to environmental demands and pressures
  • Increase and build self confidence
  • Gain self awareness and insight
  • Instill leadership qualities
  • Foster emotional health
  • Facilitate career development and career planning

It can also affect the ability to:

  • make friends
  • get along with a roommate
  • decide how to spend free time
  • manage money
  • work well in groups
  • deal with feeling down

Friday, 8 July 2011

So what's a gap year anyway?


Are you curious about a gap year?
Here's a definition:
A time away from a normal routine for youth to experience personal growth through volunteerism, travel and work.

















Here's the advantage of working with mygapyear.
" We partner with youth to create a meaningful year. Through

  • coaching, building emotional intelligence and leadership development
  • a researched and personalized gap year plan
  • ongoing support and encouragement through the gap year experience

our unique approach develops confident, empowered young adults ready for the challenges that lie ahead."

So if you could take the time, how would you spend it?

Visit www.mygapyear.ca now