Part II: Alignment: Judger/Learner

There was a reason the blog signed off with a video about the book: Change your Questions, Change your life.    The first question in the next set of questions from Martha Beck is listed below.  If we focus too much on what is wrong, instead of looking towards what is right, or what could be better one can fall victim to aligning yourself and attaching negative experiences.   This traps us.

On October 27th, mygapyear has created a forum to help open two groups to question their relationships, conversations and how they align themselves with a changing world.  Young Men Finding Direction is a collaborative event hosted by mygapyear in partnership with several men who can relate to questioning being a man growing up in the 21st century.  We invite families and their sons to come and explore this question.

In the meantime, laugh and live into these questions.  

11. Where am I wrong?
This might well be the most powerful question on our list—as Socrates believed, we gain our first measure of intelligence when we first admit our own ignorance. Your ego wants you to avoid noticing where you may have bad information or unworkable ideas. But you'll gain far more capability and respect by asking where you're wrong than by insisting you're right.

12. What potential memories am I bartering, and is the profit worth the price?
I once read a story about a world where people sold memories the way we can sell plasma. The protagonist was an addict who'd pawned many memories for drugs but had sworn never to sell his memory of falling in love. His addiction won. Afterward he was unaware of his loss, lacking the memory he'd sold. But for the reader, the trade-off was ghastly to contemplate. Every time you choose social acceptance over your heart's desires, or financial gain over ethics, or your comfort zone over the adventure you were born to experience, you're making a similar deal. Don't.

13. Am I the only one struggling not to {fart} during {yoga}?
I felt profoundly liberated when this issue was raised on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update." Not everyone does yoga, but SNL reminded me that everyone dreads committing some sort of gaffe. Substitute your greatest shame-fear: crying at work, belching in church, throwing up on the prime minister of Japan. Then know you aren't alone. Everyone worries about such faux pas, and many have committed them (well, maybe not the throwing up on PMs). Accepting this is a bold step toward mental health and a just society.

14. What do I love to practice?
Some psychologists believe that no one is born with any particular talent and that all skill is gained through practice. Studies have shown that masters are simply people who've practiced a skill intensely for 10,000 hours or more. That requires loving—not liking, loving—what you do. If you really want to excel, go where you're passionate enough to practice.

15. Where could I work less and achieve more?
To maximize time spent practicing your passions, minimize everything else. These days you can find machines or human helpers to assist with almost anything. Author Timothy Ferriss "batches" job tasks into his famous "four-hour workweek." My client Cindy has an e-mail ghostwriter. Another client, Angela, hired an assistant in the Philippines who flawlessly tracks her schedule and her investments. Get creative with available resources to find more time in your life and life in your time.

16. How can I keep myself absolutely safe?
Ask this question just to remind yourself of the answer: You can't. Life is inherently uncertain. The way to cope with that reality is not to control and avoid your way into a rigid little demi-life, but to develop courage. Doing what you long to do, despite fear, will accomplish this.

17. Where should I break the rules?
If everyone kept all the rules, we'd still be practicing cherished traditions like child marriage, slavery, and public hangings. The way humans become humane is by assessing from the heart, rather than the rule book, where the justice of a situation lies. Sometimes you have to break the rules around you to keep the rules within you.

18. So say I lived in that fabulous house in Tuscany, with untold wealth, a gorgeous, adoring mate, and a full staff of servants...then what?
We can get so obsessed with acquiring fabulous lives that we forget to live. When my clients ask themselves this question, they almost always discover that their "perfect life" pastimes are already available. Sharing joy with loved ones, spending time in nature, finding inner peace, writing your novel, plotting revenge—you can do all these things right now. Begin!

19. Are my thoughts hurting or healing?
Your situation may endanger your life and limbs, but only your thoughts can endanger your happiness. Telling yourself a miserable mental story about your circumstances creates suffering. Telling yourself a more positive and grateful story, studies show, increases happiness. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, choose thoughts that knit your heart together, rather than tear it apart.

20. Really truly: Is this what I want to be doing?
It's been several seconds since you asked this. Ask it again. Not to make yourself petulant or frustrated—just to see if it's possible to choose anything, and I mean any little thing, that would make your present experience more delightful. Thus continues the revolution.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Becks-20-Questions-That-Could-Change-Your-Life_1/3#ixzz27m8mvqKq

Authenticity - Emotional Intelligence

This week we are looking at authenticity.   One way to make sense of authenticity, emotional intelligence is a great tool to use to make sense of our strengths, values and what makes us unique. Unlike IQ, EQ can be learned throughout your and can contribute to an opportunity to explore your most authentic self.

According to Goleman, there are five main themes related to EQ.  They are:  
1. Self-Awareness      
2. Managing Emotions      
3. Empathy  
4. Social Skills

Why is emotional intelligence so important?  Why do we use it in our work?  Below is a video series by Daniel Goleman that speaks specifically to the importance of developing IQ in our youth.  He also writes for those in the work force and age groups.  http://danielgoleman.info/

We would like to invite young men and their families to a forum on October 27th, 2012.  We hope to see you at the forum: Young Men - Finding Direction in the Millennium.   Throughout the day we will come together to explore what it means to be a young man growing up in the 21st century.   Part of that is learning about what make us unique and what we want to share with the world, what we would like to do at school, in the workforce, as members of a community and a family.   We are really inspired by the opportunity for growth and learning that will be presented at the forum.  If you are interested in joining us, please visit the website or email us to inquiry further about the day.  We certainly hope you will join us for a day of discovering your most authentic self.

Back to School: But I did not go.....

It is almost September.  Stores are full of back-to-school specials and the air is full of fresh promises for the year that lies ahead. Are you watching your friends' newsfeeds? Are they full of Orientation pictures? Tales of their new beginning at college or university?  Or, are you tweeting about your Orientation experience and it does not feel right?  Maybe, you did not make the choice to leave school - it made it for you.  Well, guess what - you are not alone.

Every September, groups of young adults decide, learn or are influenced to postpone their educational careers for a year or two - or even more!  Others decided into their first few weeks of school that something else is on their mind more than school: taking a gap year.

Maybe you are a parent, family member of a young adult who needs help finding direction.  This coming October, we are hosting an event for young men and their families. Young Men - Finding Direction in the Millennium will offer families and opportunity to explore what it means to be a young man navigating the world.

Whatever the path you find yourself on taking a break from your regular routine - or what feels comfortable can be a great choice.  Many of our clients come to us in the Fall.  We would love to speak with you about what you are thinking about this fall!